It's all them, not me!

November 17, 2016


We all do it!

"That person at the check out was so rude to me, I can't stand it. She completely made me mad! I can't believe how someone like her got a job. If I were her boss, she'd be fired by the hour"... This is just a sample of ruminating thoughts running in our heads as the wave of anger rushes through our entire body.  AT THIS POINT we all have a choice before responding and reacting: Ok, so some chick was rude. It could be that she herself had a really bad day, something happened to her that she unconsciously reacted the way she did to you. Maybe she was not even aware of the fact of being rude to you. If I were to ask her right now, I'm sure, she would have a rational explanation and highly unlikely she would agreed that she wanted to purposely hurt you. Now, that anger that is running through your body and gets to your head, here is what you can do with it:

You can jump on that thought of anger and go for a nice, long ride, inviting similar angry thoughts to come along until you attract this huge herd of negative, angry thoughts (I would not want to be around that!). Your second option is to calmly and collectively realize that you've experienced this feeling of anger and simply bring your attention back to what you were doing. As you paid, you walked away, and now can focus on every step you take, watching your feet touching the ground, feeling the contact between your feet and the ground. 



This is called being mindful. Awareness of being in the moment does not mean you pretend that the anger or any other feeling is not there. You let yourself feel it, just for a quick second, realizing that you are feeling anger, and simply bring your attention back to the activity you were doing before this feeling occurred. It is not easy, but it is doable. 

And yes, back to "It's all them, not me", I get it, someone has done something that was not nice to you. The question is: What are you going to do about it? How are you going to respond? And lastly, what can you learn out of it? The real power lies in the ability to not react but to respond after you give yourself few breathers. 


it's all about you!


So the viscous circle continues and here, you realize that the finger you were pointing at someone, has three more fingers pointing right back at you. Shocker! Why? Because there is something to be learned. And the only way to find what it is, to go through situations in life that will present you exactly what it is. Maybe you need to be more patient, maybe you need to be more loving, less in the head, more in the heart, maybe you need to be more compassionate, caring, appreciative or even grateful!



So let's go back to the cashier that ticked you off. If you think about it from a different stand point and try to put yourself into her shoes (compassion), you will understand that she didn't meant to be rude, and in fact, if she could, she would even apologize to you. But in that moment, life had a teachable moment for you, and it was not about THEM, it was all about YOU.


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​© 2019 by Alena Michaels

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